True but thats because hes a fetus.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
