he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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