I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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