Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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