Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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