i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize