508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
