Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
