I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
