So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
