I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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