I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
