his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
