i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
