therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
