he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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