We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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