My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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