There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
