She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
