I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
