wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
