i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
