He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
