I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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