drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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