my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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