he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dignity is for republicans.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
