I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
