the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
