Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
