After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
