Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
