That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
