what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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