Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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