i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
