you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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