girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize