My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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