she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
