then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
