i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
