Texts From Last Night

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?

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  (302): is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"? http://tfl.nu/82yu
  Replies (13) Good night (2780) Bad night (1000)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC

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  (304): you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC http://tfl.nu/889w
  Replies (21) Good night (4769) Bad night (765)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.

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  (302): Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters. http://tfl.nu/m9v3
  Replies (8) Good night (4021) Bad night (614)
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  (619): View more from California

  you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.

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  (619): you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you. http://tfl.nu/x6wp
  Replies (9) Good night (6019) Bad night (704)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had

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  (954): I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had http://tfl.nu/excp
  Replies (12) Good night (4098) Bad night (1504)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944

  (720): View more from Colorado

  and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate

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  (720): i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944 (720): and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate http://tfl.nu/x2vg
  Replies (15) Good night (5625) Bad night (1196)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  Every man deserves at least one moment like that

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  (703): She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis (1-703): Every man deserves at least one moment like that http://tfl.nu/aq3j
  Replies (28) Good night (12135) Bad night (1173)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You left your underwear on the fireplace

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  (843): You left your underwear on the fireplace http://tfl.nu/ha55
  Replies (4) Good night (2392) Bad night (737)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.

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  (814): Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry. http://tfl.nu/q7zn
  Replies (9) Good night (3077) Bad night (951)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.

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  (832): Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/gs8m
  Replies (3) Good night (625) Bad night (1455)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"

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  (630): you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread" http://tfl.nu/vwcq
  Replies (2) Good night (1019) Bad night (389)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?

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  (404): Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders? http://tfl.nu/hbxh
  Replies (2) Good night (410) Bad night (1206)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.

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  (304): We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital. http://tfl.nu/hshf
  Replies (2) Good night (975) Bad night (339)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.

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  (334): I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system. http://tfl.nu/d0ap
  Replies (1) Good night (662) Bad night (350)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls

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  (+44): My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls http://tfl.nu/6im1
  Replies (3) Good night (349) Bad night (568)

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