Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym