She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"