so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
