I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
