He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
