he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
