And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
