he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
