mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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