ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
