There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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