If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
