Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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