I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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