you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
