i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
