I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize