I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
