went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
