I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
