Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
