I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize