Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Randomize
