it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
