I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
