Having a random hookup so left but love u
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
