Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
