Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
