i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
