This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
