If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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