In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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