she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
