Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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