Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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