If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
