How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
