Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
