nut hugger
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
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whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
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